◀ All Blog Posts

Always Circling Back to Self-Love

By Jessica Karpinske

MON DEC 12, 2016

Positive self talk is something I feel like isn't talked about enough.  It can make or break us each day in so many ways.  Whether you feel good and motivated, are kind of feeling down in the dumps or are in a total panic about things that probably will never happen.  How often have you told yourself how much you screwed something up, are lazy, fat, aren't worth it, etc. If you really  start to pay attention to the messages you are telling yourself and also what people say about themselves under their breath or to you, you will be amazed at how harsh our self talk can be.  Most of us wouldn't continue to interact with someone who told us daily that we are a a lazy screw up, but yet it is nothing to tell ourselves similar messages each day.

It is very powerful to change our self talk.  Best part is that it is a free tool that only relies on us to practice each day.  I have this conversation a lot with my coaching clients.  I also have to practice this with myself on a regular basis.  With coaching clients, they will talk about how they just can't get it together to start an exercise plan, healthy eating, lose weight, make time for themselves, etc.  Or they had it together, but they let it all go because life got in the way and they should've been able to make it work and now they are a failure just like their sister has told them they were for their whole life.  This also comes up often with failed relationships where we can feel that because a relationship didn't work out, it was all our fault and now we are unworthy of love and belonging.  Yikes! Stop the train.

Something I suggest to re frame the situation is this.  Think about if your best friend came to you and shared their story about how they couldn't get back on track with their exercise plan after a stressful life situation and they had gained 30 lbs.  I ask my client, what would you tell your best friend in this situation? Would you tell them they should've tried harder and they are a failure?  Everyone is like, "no way!".  Of course you wouldn't tell a best friend that, you wouldn't have a friend anymore.

So, why are those the messages we send ourselves in hard times?  The same message we would tell our friend, is what we should be telling ourselves as well.  We have to practice being our own best friend and circle back around with some positive self talk, kindness and self love just like we would tell a friend or loved one.

I know it might seem silly, but when it comes down to it and no one else is around and we need a cheerleader then we need to know how to bring the love and send ourselves kind, positive messages.  It's always nice to have someone else to work through our stuff with, but that doesn't always happen.  There isn't always going to be someone there to comfort us and tell us things are ok. But we can be that person for ourselves in those times.  We are with ourselves every minute of every day and by practicing this positive self talk it provides us with a solid foundation of love, trust and respect for ourselves and knowing that we've got this no matter what it is.