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Speed Bumps...

By Jessica Karpinske

SUN FEB 09, 2020

Speed bumps...

We all want to go fast over parts of life...the things we don't know how to deal with...  those times when we're unsure of ourselves, nervous, etc.  In a relationship, we might go from 0-100 miles per hour, ramping up the intensity - skipping the get to know each other phase - straight to sex and in a "relationship" before we know if we actually like the person.  You know what I'm talking about...

Metaphorically and in reality, this has become the way of our fast-paced society. Instant everything - shopping, message, dates...it goes on.  We can watch any movie, hear any song, buy whatever we want at any hour of any day - no need to wait.  No delayed gratification at this time in the world.

Scroll, click, scroll...

Scroll, click scroll...

We are a society addicted to more, more, more... More in the name of a void that plagues so many.  It is a good thing we have access to all the things that will instantly fill that void for...a few short minutes, an hour...if we're lucky.  All the things that will make us feel like WE ARE ENOUGH, that we HAVE ENOUGH, that we are DOING ENOUGH. But really, in the next moment - we still want more.  There is still the void and it's spreading worldwide like an epidemic.

We joke of a zombie apocalypse, but let face it - 95% of society is completely numbed out on their addiction of choice.  We used to think of addiction like it was the exception - now it's the rule.  Drugs, alcohol, smoking, gambling, sex, shopping, binging on Netflix... Call it what you will, I call it addiction. We're binging and numbing while Donald Trump is our president - it's not a spoof on SNL...it's a joke, yet it's no joke at all.

Sometimes we come up for air, but our air is too often clouded with anxiety and depression - the fear of and realization that we're not only numb and addicted, but it's because we cannot deal with what's really happening in life.  And the shame...the shame we bring from generations past who didn't talk about things like anxiety, depression or addiction... Today, most people if not everyone has the same overarching problems, but we're still not talking about them honestly.  The problems of addiction and mental health and not being equipped to deal with life - they melt between the divides of race, class, gender, sex...they don't segregate and no one is immune or left out.

Speed bumps over the hard parts...

I'm going to skip this feeling and go shopping.

Speed bumps...

I'm going to get high and forget about it.

The faster you go and the higher you get, the less you feel until you get to the next speed bump...

We have more people overdosing on opioids in the United States, at the time I write this, than those dying in traffic accidents each year.  Who made billions on that while we were asleep?

One addiction passed on to the next...trying for something less harmful, but let's face it - school shootings and suicide have become common options these days.  As common as buying drugs and overeating.

We have a wall being built on the boarder and fingers pointed at the "evils" of other countries, but we're killing our own people with pharmaceuticals, guns and domestic violence at alarming rates.  Mexico, China and the Middle East are all great distractions from what's happening at home in front of our eyes.  Too bad we're paying more attention to what's being broadcast on our TV than what's happening to our kids, spouses, neighbors, communities, friends.

That mental health topic that still holds so much stigma - that filthy breeding ground of shame...what if it was normal to not  know exactly how to deal with life?  Yes, IT'S NORMAL TO NOT KNOW EXACTLY HOW TO DEAL WITH LIFE...  To be anxious about relationships, new jobs... What if being numb and addicted wasn't normal, but those feelings you are feeling are the normal part...

What if we were actually talking about those parts instead of having superficial conversations about what we're numbing ourselves with?  Talking to each other, in person and not only through social media.  Not hiding behind masks or pretending we are still in Brady Bunch times.

It is no longer the days of the Brady Bunch, the American Dream from the 1950's is dead and it is no longer a time to hold shame and silence over depression, anxiety and addiction.  The cost is too great.  The cost to our nation and to the world is schools that are unsafe and teachers who are expected to be armed guards.  A generation of addicts dying at the hand of big pharma.  The cost is too high to stay numb.

Speed bumps...

What if we could quit speeding over the parts we don't know and give some truth to not knowing all the things.  Honest, humble truth and self-love to the parts we want to fly over so fast that we catch air under our tires...Instead, slowing down a  bit to FEEL what those speed bumps feel like as our tire roll over them uncomfortably S-L-O-W...

There it is...it's not as bad as I thought it would be to feel all the feels.

Which is your truth...

A fast kiss or a slow kiss?

A hug or a HUG?

A "hi, how are you?" with a real answer like "Today I feel anxious because I'm figuring out how to work through life's speed bumps and it's new for me." Or, a "Hi, how are you?" that isn't actually a question?

Sex or Love?

Intimacy of intensity?

Masks or truth?

A cure or a band aid?

Numb or feeling?

Stagnation or evolution?

Life or death?

I choose this life.

I too have gone fast over speed bumps in life hoping if I went faster, I wouldn't have to feel the all feels.  That if I could pretend to know all the things then I would look cool like I have it all together.  The problem with speeding over all the speed bumps is that I kept having to go over the same ones over and over and over again.  Then I realized that speed bumps lose their appeal when I started talking about them.  There's no reason to go so fast... I don't have to know all the things in life.

The habits, patterns, addictions....

Scroll, click, scroll...

It all loses its appeal and its taboo when we realize we aren't the only ones thinking, feeling and dealing with these things in life.

I'll hold your hand if you hold mine and together we can learn to do healthy human things.  Awake, present and moving right through the speed bumps.  Evolving into a higher vibration of love.

Did you know that love is the highest vibration?  And love and fear cannot co-exist...  When we raise our personal vibration and start living from a place of love, living in our truth, feeling and awakening to this life - it is then that we are doing our universal duty and raising the collective conscious of our communities and of the whole world.

We are then changing the numbed out, zombie, shame-based vibration that is struggling to beat, at even a very low vibration - we are taking it to new levels. It is a defiance, a deviance from the mainstream.

It is a rebellious act to live a life that is so alive and that rests so bravely on top of the speed bumps - attentive and listening - curious - present - like a slow kiss...with life...not knowing how it will turn out, but being brave enough to show up and see how it goes.

Being brave enough to accept the adventure to leave home, to travel solo to new places where the language is different, the people look different than you and the culture is different than anything you know.  And on the way, talking to strangers, meeting new people, being able to find commonality in all humans and making strangers into new friends, new love.  Taking your chances and placing your bets on love.

Speed bumps... Wanting to know we belong somewhere.  That our story fits into the great whole.

If we choose to stay hidden behind screens, in our homes, in our shame and fear we will never experience the temples in Bali that make an acid trip seem dull.  We will stay or become toxic zombies in our own lives.  The living dead...

I forgot what my point was...

Maybe the things we choose not to feel keep the delusions real, keep us from our truth like a game of keep away from ourselves.  We are sold lies that we aren't enough, addictions are made normal, normal is made shameful... The lies that are sold divide and conquer the truth of humanity until we no longer know ourselves or neighbors or, in some cases, the person we sleep next to anymore.  This isn't the future, this happens all to often...now.

I can deal more easily with going slowly over those damn speed bumps than I can with going 100 miles per hours and missing any more opportunities for sunsets and slow kisses with life.

You choose.

I choose sunsets, slow kisses and taking a chance on the present and taking a chance with love.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I wrote this piece on 2-9-20 on the plane to Troncones.  The corona virus was not yet the issue it is right now, not in the United States at least.  So, as I look at some of my writing about staying home, social media and the state of the world, I want to be sensitive to the timing of my writing to when I publish this post.  Not that I feel my writing is no longer valid, it's just that the world is in a different kind of crisis right now that forces us to stay in and actually to be thankful for things like social media and ways to keep us connected.  Keep loving and being real.