This week, I am going to make my post a little shorter and share a writing I did while I was in Colorado the summer of 2016. After going to the Arise Festival with my friend Kathy and her 2 kiddos, I took some time alone to drive up into the mountains to Shambhala Mountain Center in Red Feather Lakes, CO.
This is one of my favorite places to visit each time I go to Colorado. It is a short, but beautiful hike up to the Great Stupa. The stupa is a beautiful building/structure with a giant Buddha inside. I would need to do a little more research on the history of Stupas, but nonetheless my lack of knowing doesn't take away from the feeling I get when I go there. Before you enter, shoes are removed then inside there are about 3-4 rows of zafus (meditation cushions) and you can go in quietly and meditate with the giant golden Buddha. There is a bowl in the front by the Buddha with blank slips of paper and pencils so you can write down messages of loving-kindness or things you need to let go of. Whatever you want to send out the the world. It is a very peaceful place to just be with your thoughts.
This is a writing that I had no intention of sharing with anyone else, but is something I have gone back to and read again and again. It helps me when things are maybe feeling a little uncertain in life or I just need help feeling grounded.
Sometimes I feel like I get stuck in a place of carrying the heaviness of my past and feeling like I won't be able to let go even though there are old habits I would like to change. That I should move through grief more quickly than I do. Wonder when will I love myself as much as I have loved others. Wonder why am I so sensitive! I heard that my whole life (and not in a good way). Also, maybe give myself some credit for all I have been through. And that I keep on going! And to be able to sit at a place within myself to be able to say, I love you, I respect you, I trust you, I will not abandon you and I will not betray you.
Here's my writing I did while at the Great Stupa in the Colorado mountains on a beautiful August morning.
I respect my past.
I honor where I am today.
I hold open the doors to all possibilities of a future that is guided by love.
I will lean into the things I find challenging and lean further into my sorrows.
For I know my love is measured by the depths of my sorrows and that depth is great.
I may find that there are times of fear, but I will use my voice to overcome that fear and know even in the darkest time, I am never alone.
I trust my gut and will listen to what my body is telling me.
I love myself. I choose me. I will always choose me.
I know that this journey is my own and no one else's. It is ever evolving and I am right where I need to be.
I know that my love for myself, for others and for this world is unique and sensitive. I will encourage and embrace this.
I send loving kindness out to the world, to my friends, family and to those who have caused me pain.
I send thanks to the universe for teaching me what I need to know and for being the great provider of all.
Love is my religion and nature is my temple.
I love myself just as I am today and always.
~ 8-8-2016 ~